I'm a Daddy's Girl. My father is like my bestest friend (pardon the intentional grammatical error. done for maximum word impact. hehe.) ever. I enjoy our debate dinners, our little political and ideological chitchats over coffee and pork barbecue, and I had absolutely basked in the glory of being his spoiled little girl when I was younger. I pretty much always got what I wanted, when I asked him for it.
My parents went through a long separation stage, almost 10 years. I was in Grade 5 I think, my younger brother was in Grade 3, and our bunso was just a little over a year old when they decided to part ways. At first, it was my mom who walked out. But being the mother that she is, she couldn't take it. She asked my dad to leave, and he did.
I thought, at first, that their separation was better than having to hear them fight every single day. But no. In essence, for that decade of not having a 'complete' family, our house felt more like a place to sleep in than a home you'd want to stay in. I looked for 'contentment' in so many other things, but never found it.
My parents got back together when I was in college, and I swear I praised the high heavens for giving us that most precious miracle. I never thought they'd ever get back together.
Now that I myself am a parent, and have met and married the father of my beautiful daughter, I have gained a better understanding that a lot, and I mean a whole lot depends on the father and mother's willingness to make things work despite and in spite of the differences, the temptations, financial concerns, and many others that can test the strength of any couple.
Me and my daughter are so blessed to have Daddy Jules in our lives. He may not always be the perfect husband, but he is consistently the most amazing father. No, he does not spoil her little girl, but he gives in to some of her little whims. He disciplines her in the most compassionate manner, the way a father should. He makes sure to spend quality time with her on weekends (and weekdays after work), and makes sure that she always has what she needs. And I know despite my being the most argumentative wife on Earth, he'd stay by my side for the rest of our lives, and I have a lifetime guarantee that my precious little girl will have her dearest Daddy to guide, love, and support her for as long as God would allow him to. I am guaranteed that my Keisha will have a 'complete' family to count on for as long as she needs us.
Indeed, I am blessed.
In this light, my heart bleeds for the kids whose parents went through a not-so-good separation. There's a pair of kids in particular, that are close to my heart, and every single day, I pray that these two kids find their center from all the love that's being showered on them...albeit the absence of a traditional family structure. I pray every day that they grow up knowing no resentment in their hearts for those who had tremendous shortcomings in the significant role they were supposed to play in their life.
I've been down that road before. I know how it feels to have a father, but not have him there when you need him. And I sure know how it's like to be lost in the darkness... not knowing if you'll find your way back to a place you can call home... Where I was before was always clouded with gray skies, and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.
I also pray that one day (hopefully soon) the person/s concerned would realize that the world does not revolve around temporary happiness. That in the end, when everyone else has deserted you, only your family will be there. That when you're old and gray, only your children are morally obligated to take care of you, and when they decide not to...well... it's not going to be a happy retirement then. I speak out of my deep-seated resentment for your apathy, for your lack of desire to face your responsibilities (and no, it's not just about the money) as a father, and as a family member. I watch you go on with your life, oblivious to your children's undeniable clamor for family. And I speak because it hurts me, it hurts me to watch them go through something like that just because you want to make yourself happy. I shake my head in disgust at how your conscience can take it.
When you come home from work, do you hug and kiss them and ask them how their day was? Did you ever ask them how they're doing in school? When they celebrated their birthdays, did you give them a wrapped present to bring out that priceless smile? When they got sick, did you stay at home to watch over them, wrapped them in a blanket to keep them warm, check their temperature, and give them medicine? When they wanted to explore their little world, did you take them to places that made them squeal with delight?
And today, it's Father's Day...Where are you?
I am from the outside looking in. And it brings tears to my eyes, simply because I've been there. I know what it feels like to be there. For a time, I've been the kid who said 'No, he didn't do that'.
Happy Fathers' Day to all the men who had embodied the real essence of fatherhood. I salute you.
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