Emo Mommy Mode Alert!

A few minutes ago, I had a conversation with a really close friend who's pregnant with her first baby. We've been like soul sisters since college, and my own dad even says I looked (past tense...this was when I was way slimmer. hehe.) like her. She and her hubby had been 'working on' having the little one for a year, and been successful only recently - which of course is much much anticipated.

This afternoon we started our conversation about how to get to her place, and then moved on to the not-so-quiet school that was situated beside their building, and then to which school would be best for our kids, and then to managing money when you become a parent... Our conversation matured in a matter of clicks and seconds! :)

We discussed how different life was from when we were in college, to single and working, to preggers and expecting, to finally being a full-fledged mother and wife. She's just on her way to the latter...and I'll be moving forward soon to being mommy-of-a-school-age-kiddo.

Recently I've been excitedly following a fellow mom's blog (http://mommytobaby.wordpress.com/), who's currently pregnant with her first baby too, and I've been more prone to tears ever since. :) She writes lovely letters to the little one in her belly, and her blog has inspired me to look back on how fast and how much things have changed in the past five years.

I saw just how much of an improved person I am when I became a mother. No, I'm not better now than everyone else...but I am definitely a better me. :) I'm more patient, calmer, more understanding, and much more focused.

As a teen and as single lady (cue Beyonce song here.), I had a rebellious spunk, I was overly emotional, demanding, impatient, and fickle-minded. I lived for the day. I knew that tomorrow mattered, but I just didn't care. I wanted to live life my way. And I'm pretty sure that this was a phase wherein my parents weren't having the grandest of times dealing with me - especially my mom.

When I got pregnant, I don't think they were exactly surprised, but I'm pretty sure they were hoping it didn't happen too soon either. I was 22 then. 

But in my mind, the moment I knew I was pregnant, I was sure, my parents would be happier - I had finally found my match, the one who would make me grow up. And no, I'm not referring to my husband (that's a different 'match' all in all. hehe), I'm referring to the growing life inside my belly.

Unfortunately, I miscarried 12 weeks into the pregnancy. It was a blighted ovum kind of situation, and I knew for a week or so, that the life inside me will not survive. 'twas a painful time, and a scary one too. Being the paranoid person that I am, I was afraid that my body might not be a child-bearing one after all.

It took an entire year for us to be successful in our attempts at having another one, and it was the perfect gift for our first wedding anniversary. We were scheduled to go to Pagudpud to celebrate, with the accommodations and transport booked and all...but since my OB advised me not to go on long travels for the meantime, we decided to forego the vacay.

Our precious little Keisha was born in 2009.  And since then, my life and my being has changed in more ways than I can imagine. The moment I gave birth, the moment I saw that the little life in my belly was finally part of the cruel real world, I knew right then and there that my role as superhero is about to begin. :)

But you see, superheroes are the most kawawa characters. They have to be in so many places at the same time to help other people, they have to sacrifice a lot of their time and their desires to do their job, there's a super-fine-almost-non-existent line between what's work and what's not, they don't get to go shopping, PLUS, they have to wear the not-so-comfortable-skin-tight-mismatched costumes!

Not fun at all.

Although I'd have to say, motherhood has rewards that no amount of money can ever even attempt to equal. The joys may not be material or monetary, but they're far far more precious than anything you can ever hold in your hand or see with your eyes.

Thankfully, I don't have to wear the skin-tight superhero costume (thank God. My body's not ready for that. Not in the next 20 years. :)), but I do have to go through all else.

I've always wanted to be a travel or a lifestyle writer. Go to one place after another, or attend events all over the country and abroad - 'twas my dream to experience the finer things in life and get to write about it. But, independence had it's price - I had to work my way to living on my own - so I shifted to the 'richer' call center world - where even just the starting salaries would cover rent, utilities, and my little luhos.

My call center 'career' was going quite well, I was able to successfully establish myself in the four years that I spent in the industry - and chances are, there would be no other place to go but up. Well it happens there's another place pala - OUT. I resigned at that time that my little Keisha was frequently sick. I couldn't bear not being able to take care of her just because I can't go on an emergency leave. My mind couldn't take the idea of choosing work over her. So I took the big leap to SAHM-hood.

It wasn't easy. I had to say goodbye to so many perks - monetary, as well as other benefits that the employed lot enjoys.  I was doing some part-time writing work for a time, but the earnings were definitely far from what I used to take home as a Senior CSR. Thankfully, I have a hard-working husband, and fortune finally smiled upon me when I started getting regular work through Odesk. My income stabilized, and though it really wasn't super awesome, it was definitely more than what others may expect from WAHM-hood.

Thing is, I don't have officemates, my social life is now limited to the four corners of our little home and our old circle of friends, I don't have Christmas parties or mid-year bonuses. I don't have 13th month pay nor tax returns. I don't get to shop whenever I want to, I don't get to travel to my heart's delight, I even feel guilty when I had to buy a new tube of lipstick, my biggest splurge so far was a pair of sandals on sale at 300 pesos...

 I still get to shop, but about 95-99% of the time, I buy things for her and the house. Much of our budget goes to bills, and our little 'investments'. I wouldn't say life is hard, we're in fact, really really blessed...but it surely and most definitely is not just about me. What  I buy, I have to think of twice, thrice, four times, because I have to consider what else that amount can do in the future if I put it aside, invest it, or spend it on things Keisha needs. Imagine, a pair of my favorite brand of shoes is worth the same as a big can of her milk plus vitamins! Why would I buy the shoes then? I still have quite a few good ones anyway. :)


I couldn't be more grateful. :)  Sometimes, I'm tempted to go back to the corporate world and all its perks...but.... No. :)


My little girl is now two years old, and for a year and a half now, she's had her Mama day in and day out, scolding her not to write on the walls or to touch the electrical outlets, asking her to wear her slippers, while showering her with kisses. She's had her mom tucking her in to bed at night, saying good morning to her when she wakes up, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for her, and 'fighting' with her come evening time when she wants to watch Disney Channel, and mom wants to catch the evening news.

I've had the luxury of seeing her grow up for the past year, witnessing her small and big milestones, being there for when she falls down, bruises her knees, and needs a hug. :)  And I know, and have seen and felt, just how happy she is that Mama gets to be around her all the time.

In a year or less, she'd be starting a new 'phase' in her life, school. In a few years, she'll be in high school, she'll fall in love, she'll be a teenager and would want to see less of me (been there been that. hehe), she'll be in college and trying life out on her own, she'll be working and learning about life... Haaaay...

I still have a decade or so to be her number one superhero. I want to play that role the best way I can (minus the costume please.). :-)